For various serious reasons that I won't go into here, my wife and I are divorcing after 17 years and with four kids that have no choice in the matter. This was actually my second marriage, the first one having been a bad mistake on my part that ended after a few years and no children were involved. This is completely different. Darcie was my soul mate, or so I believed for the first 10 years of our marriage. It was perfect - at least I thought so. We loved each other deeply, enjoyed life, met challenges head on and when there weren't enough challenges, we created them (like moving overseas). And, we had four incredible children that prove out our parenting ability.
Going through a divorce with someone you considered your best friend and when there are children involved is so much more difficult. I have to continually think of what is best for the children or I would end up lashing out at my soon-to-be-ex-wife and would try to screw with her as much as possible. But, that just isn't good for the kids in the long run and so I have to restrain myself, even if she doesn't.
I've realized two related things during this process. First is that I should have had a chapter in my book (Humanism for Parents) on divorce. Second is that writing and performing weddings, as I do as an AHA Humanist Celebrant, is more difficult when you are having a hard time believing in marriage yourself. I have a wedding to perform this Saturday that I was looking forward to, but it has been difficult to help the couple write the vows and even to read them. I'll suck-it-up and do a good job at the ceremony as they deserve nothing less; but I find it a challenge.
Eventually, maybe I'll write some thoughts on divorce for the Humanist. Other than religious people having a built-in support group, I don't think there is a lot of difference; but it would be worth the exercise anyway. If you have any comments about this, just send them my way - maybe they will end up in a future version of my book :).
