Radio: Is religion important when raising our children?

KNRY, a talk radio station in Monterey, CA hosts a show called Fathers are Forever and they are going to air a show tomorrow (Friday) night centered around whether or not religion is important when raising children.

This particular shows ill air from 7:00PM to 9:00PM Pacific time. You can listen to the show live here.

Dale Brown (author of Parenting Beyond Belief) and I (author of Humanism for Parents - Parenting without Religion) will represent the secular side of the discussion.

It should be a lively and interesting discussion.

Greg Epstein on Interfaith Politics

Greg Epstein, the Humanist Chaplin at Harvard, published some advice to Obama (and McCain, though he admits the Republicans wouldn't bother to listen). I like Greg and his down-to-earth, practical stance on things. He doesn't jump immediately into slamming religion, but looks at America as a melting pot, with respect to religion as well as race; and purports that humanists and atheists need to be part of that melting pot.

The article is worth a read, check it out here.

A Humanist-Life-Stories Publication?

The Humanists of Silicon Valley are sponsoring the development of a "Humanist Life Stories" book. This is akin to the Humanist Heritage effort the Humanist Society did a while back. I consider it a great idea and I hope they can pull it off. For my part, I'll be sure to submit one or two stories. If any of you are interested, let me know and I'll get you in touch with them.

We, Arthur Jackson (president) and Armineh Noravian (vice president) of the Humanist Community in Silicon Valley, California, wish to share an exciting idea with you. Our constant search for ideas to promote Humanism has led us to the realization that one important area is the manner in which Humanists deal with difficult or unusual life circumstances. We believe that sharing such experiences will provide important models of how Humanists live with life’s challenges without divine guidance.

This idea has defined one of our projects, which is to compile a series of life stories by Humanists all across the world. With this goal in mind, we would like to request your help by asking that you send us a life story that might ultimately be printed in a book, which we would like to title “Humanist Life Stories- Sharing our experiences with difficult problems”. We know that projects like this have been discussed before, but are not aware of any collections that are currently available. If you know of any, please tell us.

We believe that the outcome of such an exciting project will have a number of positive consequences, both for Humanism and all those participating in the project.

Back in it...

A few months ago I decided to stop blogging for a while because this blog had taken a direction that I hadn't originally intended. Mostly this was to be about spirituality within Humanism. However, as I became more and more frustrated with the direction America is taking and with the Bush administration and how there are people trying to turn us into a Theocracy, I found myself blogging against things things of for things.

That wasn't my intent, but it was a natural outcome of the environment we are in. I wanted to take some time off to reevaluate my stance and my intentions for this blog.

In the end, many of the things I have been blogging about are as or more important than the original intent of this blog. Therefore, I've decided to get back to blogging about whatever comes up that feels important (regarding Humanism and freedom of belief of course) and not worry so much about the original intent (or name) of this blog.

So, you can look forward (or not) to my ranting on various applicable topics. In the next few days (and this is one of the things that convinced me to get back in the game), I'll post on the idiocy of some wannabe scholars when it comes to evaluating the bible.

Cheers, Sean

Christian Shooter in Colorado obviously not a Humanist

While starting to read the unraveling story of the two recent shootings at churches in Colorado (where I live), I found myself expecting the shooter to be a religious person.
This article through Google says the shooter was enrolled in religious training at one point and it has a quote: "He is said to come from a deeply Christian family."

Now, it may not always be true, but I find that many of the people that do such horrible things are frequently very religious. I wonder if there is some tendency towards extreme passion/obsession (to the point of doing or believing the impossible) that is common between the religious and people who would do such a horrific thing.

Certainly I have a hard time thinking of a Humanist doing such a thing. Being a Humanist has strong implications that you think about what is right and wrong and about compassion and that you see the beauty in life.

It is interesting to note that anyone can be religious without any real morality (and many do), but to say you are a Humanist actually means a lot more.

Something to smile (and be proud) about.

The Golden Compass, a Humanist movie?

The Golden Compass movie comes out this Friday, December 7th. Some are billing it as a Humanist (or in this case Atheist) movie, though I think that is a stretch. The books do take a stab at the Catholic church, but that is more just treating the church as the dogmatic, authoritarian organization it is. The movie tones this down some and isn't quite as blatant, but it is still a statement against authoritarian rulers.

But, the Catholic church is causing some of the problem it self by trying to ban the reading of the books and boycott the movie. Of course, this will probably make the movie and books even more popular. I know it makes me want to go :)

Check out the AHA article here or a YouTube interview with author Philip Pullman here

Mentioning Atheism

I've had a few recent encounters where I mentioned either atheism or being without religion and got some interesting responses.

One was in an a casual business meeting with a couple of women. We got to talking a little about my book and I said it had to do with parenting without religion and her immediate response was "why would you want to?". I could have taken offense at it or gotten belligerent, but after a moments thought, I smiled and said, "well, there are many people out there who are not religious and some of them are parents or want to be parents." She at least agreed with that and so we could talk about the topic from a theoretical standpoint. We continued with the conversation for a few minutes, though we could all tell she was distinctly colder after that.

Another was with my Uncle. I'm recently separated and in the middle of a divorce. While I'm not too interested in dating right now, I will be at some point and my uncle asked me if it would be hard to find a woman who would go out with me if I'm atheist. Interesting idea and unfortunately it has some validity. The percent of non-believers across the population in the U.S. is small. But, fortunately for me, the percent among the intelligentsia is much higher. Numbers vary, but roughly 93% of scientists don't believe in a God. Since I'm in a high-intelligence industry (computer software), I find the percent of people who are non-theists to be quite high.

The other one was on the airplane coming back from Portland, OR last night (to Colorado). I got to talking to the woman in the seat next to me about Humanism. As always, I presented it as separate from religion and that there are many people that are Humanist and of a specific religion. At the end though, I said I was of the Humanist Atheist sort and you could see her face go blank. The conversation dried up fairly quickly, she put on her ipod-headphones and didn't talk to me the rest of the flight.

I've commented before on this Blog about how the world is changing to be more accepting of the non-theists, but I still encounter this kind of bias frequently. As a Humanist and an Atheist, what is different for me today from the past is that I'm ignoring that ignorance and am speaking out anyway. Maybe in speaking out, I'll sow some seeds of doubt or at least make the person think.

Good Definition of Humanism

SumoGirl posted a nice article on a definition of Humanism she found. See Definition of Humanism. She actually refers to the Progressive Living website, which is site about Confucianism. It is a really nice definition of Humanism that I didn't see when i did my previous post on definitions.

Humanism is an anti-authoritarian philosophy that emphasizes the importance of reason and the indispensability of both evidence and compassion for others in the formation of values. Contemporary humanistic morality judges acts primarily on the basis of their affect upon other human beings. Humanists believe that the purposes of life are found in the meeting of human needs -intellectual, emotional, and spiritual-and in the fulfillment of human capabilities, mental and physical.

The definition is a little long for me, but I really like the first half.

Nice find SumoGirl!

Humanism and Homosexuality

I recently gave a talk on Humanism and Contemporary issues that covered an overview of Humanism along with various contemporary topics and how Humanists might view them. The talk went well except for the section on Homosexuality. In it, I presented a view that came from research for my book Humanism for Parents. In that view, there have been various types of homosexuality throughout history and they included:

• Egalitarian where the partners are equal


• Gender-based where the two partners take on male or female roles


• Age-based where there is a wide discrepancy in ages

The audience was upset (mildly at the talk, but vehemently later) about my including age-based homosexuality with either of the first two. Most of my point was that this has been an accepted practice in some past societies (e.g. Rome). They baulked at this saying that it was pedophilia (paedophilia) and not homosexuality.
I'm interested to hear opinions on this and (hopefully) references so that I can look into it. The research I did was pretty clear, but I can't read everything and so I'm interested in reputable references to read in this area. Opinions are also welcome of course.

Divorce and Humanism

For various serious reasons that I won't go into here, my wife and I are divorcing after 17 years and with four kids that have no choice in the matter. This was actually my second marriage, the first one having been a bad mistake on my part that ended after a few years and no children were involved. This is completely different. Darcie was my soul mate, or so I believed for the first 10 years of our marriage. It was perfect - at least I thought so. We loved each other deeply, enjoyed life, met challenges head on and when there weren't enough challenges, we created them (like moving overseas). And, we had four incredible children that prove out our parenting ability.

Going through a divorce with someone you considered your best friend and when there are children involved is so much more difficult. I have to continually think of what is best for the children or I would end up lashing out at my soon-to-be-ex-wife and would try to screw with her as much as possible. But, that just isn't good for the kids in the long run and so I have to restrain myself, even if she doesn't.

I've realized two related things during this process. First is that I should have had a chapter in my book (Humanism for Parents) on divorce. Second is that writing and performing weddings, as I do as an AHA Humanist Celebrant, is more difficult when you are having a hard time believing in marriage yourself. I have a wedding to perform this Saturday that I was looking forward to, but it has been difficult to help the couple write the vows and even to read them. I'll suck-it-up and do a good job at the ceremony as they deserve nothing less; but I find it a challenge.

Eventually, maybe I'll write some thoughts on divorce for the Humanist. Other than religious people having a built-in support group, I don't think there is a lot of difference; but it would be worth the exercise anyway. If you have any comments about this, just send them my way - maybe they will end up in a future version of my book :).

Improving on your Parents

One of the most impressive things I can think of for a parent is something my father (Edward M. Curley) accomplished. His father abused his wife and kids; actually beat them up when he was upset and/or drunk. Then, when my father was around 12, he left them to fend for themselves and disappeared for 40 years.

But, not only did my father never beat us up or hit his wife, he only ever spanked us if it was for a lesson. He broke that cycle of child abuse and that has to be one of the hardest things to break. I have felt the deep-rooted desire to hit a kid many times and if I had grown up in an environment where I was beat up, I wonder if I could refrain from hitting a child during any of those many times s/he was completely misbehaving. But, I don’t have to struggle with that because my father broke the cycle and taught me that physical punishment should only be used when trying to train or accomplish something, not out of anger or spite.

I’ve often thought that every person would do well to try to improve on one thing s/he thinks his or her parent(s) did poorly. I’ve told each of my four kids this – that one of their jobs as a parent will be to improve on what my wife and I have done as parents. But, in no way did I ever think I could match the improvement my Dad did. And I didn’t need to. There are many other ways I’ve thought I improved on parenting from what he did. Some are:

• Played with the kids a lot more
• Participated in their lives a lot more (births, events, competitions)
• Talk with them a lot more (as a confidant)

These were things my Dad didn’t do, but that I do at least better than he did. Obviously they are nowhere near as important as his breaking of the abuse cycle.

Then the other day I began reading The End of Faith by Sam Harris. He made an interesting point in how difficult it is to break away from religion and it started me thinking that maybe the biggest improvement I made isn’t on the day-to-day tactical sense that those above are, but rather in my breaking away from religion.
Religion is so out-dated and detrimental to society and so difficult to break out of that my going from the hardcore Catholic school boy (I was an alter boy and frequently lead the rosary during my lunch hour) to the Humanist advocate I am, is just about as difficult as my father breaking out of the child abuse cycle.
I know that there are many (very many) good religious people. But as a whole, religion has been responsible for more atrocities in the world than anything else. Most recently is the total destruction of the World Trade Center and the resulting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Despite what politicians say, these are totally about religion – do you think the Taliban would have attacked the WTC without Islam? And think about the Bible and Koran that both basically say that if another does not believe in God as this book says (and you believe), then you must kill them. The Islamists are just living by the book they believe in – in some ways that is more admirable than the Christians who say the Bible is the word of God, but then don’t live by it.

Anyway, Religion is so archaic and unneeded and in fact damaging that we have to as a race stop the irrational faith in it. But, taking that step is very difficult. When you grow up in a family that totally believes and has total faith (something you believe with no evidence), then it becomes very difficult to break away. It is also scary for many people to think that they aren’t going to live past death and that they have nobody to rely on but themselves. This stance of course would make everyone stand up and be responsible for who they are without relying on some deity, but it is still scary to most and one of the reasons they can’t easily break away from it.

So, I’m now wondering if maybe I did improve on something really big instead of those little things. Not that I wasn’t happy with them – I didn’t say that every generation had to improve to the level my Dad did; that is pretty much impossible.

Your job of course is be to improve on something that you think is important in the way of parenting. It doesn’t have to be huge, it just has to be something – if for no other reason than that this will make you think about what good parenting is and who you want to be as a parent.

Video of Rabbi Wine's Memorial

Rabbi Wine's memorial was quite emotional and inspirational. Anyone interested in Humanism and just how pervasive and life-changing it can be should review Rabbi Wine's past and read some of his books. The video is available on line now from the organization he founded:

"Rabbi Sherwin T. Wine, the founder of Humanistic Judaism, was killed in a car crash on July 21, 2007, while vacationing in Morocco. He was 79. Rabbi Wine laid out the intellectual foundations of Humanistic Judaism, creating many of its celebrations, rituals, and educational materials. In 1963, he founded The Birmingham Temple in suburban Detroit, the first congregation of Humanistic Judaism, and in 1969 established the Society for Humanistic Judaism.

You can view it at: The Birmingham Temple

EvolveFISH

I'm sure you have all seen those Darwin or evolved fish emblems on the back of cars. The one that made me laugh the most was a fish with legs that was eating a religious fish symbol. Well, those and many other irreverent paraphernalia comes from a company called EvolveFISH. From their site, they "are dedicated to countering the destructive aspects of religious zealotry... they create and gather enlightened symbols and materials and sell these products online; with special focus on areas where zealots are trying to usurp the freedoms of the targets of their bigotry.".

Great Stuff Huh!

Now for the even better news - EvolveFish has agreed to sell my book Humanism for Parents - Parenting without Religion. Check it out on their site

WebCast of Memorial Service for Rabbi Wine

Arrangements are being made for the memorial service for Rabbi Wine being held at the Birmingham Temple on Friday morning at 10:am EDT to be streamed live through a link on our website – www.shj.org. People will need Quicktime Player, which can be downloaded, to view the live feed.

The family of Rabbi Wine has suggested that contributions in his memory be directed to support the Secular Humanistic Jewish Movement he established. They have selected the 21st Century Fund, which benefits the International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism, the Society for Humanistic Judaism and the Birmingham Temple. Donations may be made payable to the 21st Century Fund and sent to:

Rabbi Sherwin T. Wine Memorial Fund
c/o The Birmingham Temple
28611 West Twelve Mile Road
Farmington Hills, MI 48334

In the next day we hope to post some readings on hope and courage, which were favorites of Sherwin, on our website for you to include in your community memorials if you so choose. These are passages that Sherwin wrote.

Thank you all for your support.

Parenting without Religion

The press release for my book Humanism for Parents - Parenting without Religion finally went out. You can see a copy on PRWeb at:

PRWeb Press Release

The book is also available through my site or you can use the links to the right.

The book covers aspects of raising children without reliance on religion. It goes over rites, rituals, and practices that you might want to consider when raising children. It also has Q&A chapters for younger children and teens so that they can try to get an understanding of Humanism in a way they can relate to.

If you take a look at it or read it, please send feedback to me at humanismforparents@spiritualhumanist.info.

Farewell Rabbi Sherwin T. Wine

Much of this is taken from a letter from Greg M. Epstein of the
Humanist Chaplain of Harvard University

Rabii Wine was a teacher, a fellow Humanisst, AHA Humanist of the Year, and one of the greatest Humanist leaders of the 20th Century. Rabbi Wine and his longtime partner, Richard McMains, were vacationing in Morocco. Returning from dinner Saturday evening July 21 in Essaouira, their taxicab was hit by another driver. Both Rabbi Wine and the taxi driver were killed instantly. Richard survived the collision and currently is hospitalized in stable condition.

For a press release with more detailed information about Wine, dubbed "the atheist rabbi" by Time magazine in 1965, including regarding the memorial service currently being planned, click here or visit the Society for Humanistic Judaism. To hear Rabbi Wine speak on Humanistic Judaism, click here for an interview recorded at Harvard University in April 2007. A video of Rabbi Wine’s stirring speech at Harvard in April 2007 will be available later this week at http://harvardhumanist.org.

Around the world, Wine taught that human dignity, courage and love are our most important values, not religious obedience. He publicly debated religious fundamentalists such as Jerry Falwell and Meir Kahane. And he refused the religious veneer that America so values in its leaders -- though he kept the title rabbi he did not pray or praise a god he did not believe in.

And yet the movement Sherwin founded and the career he pioneered, was never about being against god but rather about moving beyond god to create humanist community, led by humanist professionals, for the benefit of all human beings. If we learn one thing from Rabbi Wine's loss, let it be this: now that the world's attention has turned to the 1.1 billion non-religious people on earth, and now that bestselling books on atheism by authors such as Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have shown millions what Humanists do not believe in, let us follow Sherwin's example and dedicate ourselves to building a positive alternative to traditional religion. Let us build communities, organizations, and families that do good for ourselves and others, based on the Humanist ethic of reason, compassion and creativity

AHA getting modern on us?

The American Humanist Association, EvolveFISH, and Rational Responders teamed up to bring the positive message of Humanism to YouTube!

Can you believe it - AHA and YouTube. It is great to see the leaders at AHA embrace modern technoligies. The video below is the winner of their Humanist Vision Contest.

Check it out. It is a nice little video on the meaning of Humanism. If you ever wondered what Humanism is really about, this video gives a good 30-thousand foot view.

Humanism for Parents - Parenting without Religion

Well, I've been neglectful of blogging for the last month or so. Between gutting my master bathroom and starting the rebuild, starting a new job, and completing the book, I've just been too busy.

The good news is that the Humanism for Parents - Parenting without Religion book is not generally available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Google Books. Please, take a look at it and let me know what you think. It is slightly cheaper to order through the publisher as they don't gouge you for shipping.

The following is the short description from the publisher.

By some estimates, over 1 billion people in the world are non-religious (humanist/secular/atheist) yet we base some of our parenting techniques and traditions on religion. There are many books available on parenting around each of the major religions, but few around parenting in a Humanist household. This book is an attempt to outline how non-religious parents can have rites, rituals, and practices needed for a healthy, spiritually fulfilled family.

You can also preview it on-line through my site via the page on
parenting.

Cheers, Sean

Humanism for Parents

I am in the final stages of publishing a book called Humanism for Parents that provides information to parents and potential parents (or even caregivers) about how to raise children without reliance on religion. By some accounts there are 1.1 billion people who don't believe or don't practice religion. There are plenty of books out about parenting with religion but few that are specifically secular. This book describes the aspects of parenting that are particular to a non-religious household.

It is currently available at the publisher (Lulu), and will be available at Amazon, Google Books, Barnes&Noble, and Borders within 6-10 weeks. You can also preview the book through my page on The Spiritual Humanist web site here.

Cheers, Sean

Goodbye Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut (November 11, 1922 – April 11, 2007) died yesterday. He was a profound American novelist who combined dark human and science fiction. But, most notably for this blog, he was an avid Humanist. He won the 1992 Humanist of the Year award and took the place of Issac Asimov as Honorary President of the American Humanist Association.

"I am a humanist," he wrote in a letter to AHA members, "which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without expectations of rewards or punishments after I am dead."

Indianapolis, where he lived, named 2007 "The Year of Vonnegut."

Goodbye Kurt, the world is a lesser place with you gone.


If you are interested in furthering his cause, you can contribute at The AHA. You can also leave a personal message honoring him. The AHA compile those comments in the coming days and create a special online memorial page.